There are just some fears you have to stuff down and say NO. You have no right to control me anymore. Fuck off.

you reap what you sow.
Something we all must learn the hard way.
No more complaining if you're just gonna start it.
Kelli, quit being a loser! Gah.

I fear that I'm becoming a hoarder with all my craft stuff lately.
But its for a good cause... right?
I need a shower.
But its late and I can't do it tonight cause my hair will get crazy.
tomorrow?
yeah right.
Working 11 hours tomorrow, maybe longer.... whoop!

Hates considered a bad feeling right?

this is what my life constantly looks like nowadays

and then this happens

Snails.

Today was an all around rough day. Just one of those days that make you say, WAIT, I'm a human too! I've got them things called rights!!

Do you ever feel like you are too small to do anything yet your ego is so big you can't even fit through the door?
Or like you've lost all reason to fight yet you have too many fights to fight?


"You're blessed when you feel like you've lost what is most dear to you. 
Only then, ONLY THEN, can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. "
Note that Jesus never said the One who SHOULD be most dear to you. There is no longer a question about it. He is most dear to you. End of story. 
That means even at the end of the day when all you want to do is cry in your room because most people make you feel like the worst person in the whole world. 
WHAT ABOUT JUSTIN BIEBER?! HUH! ATTACK HIM A LITTLE! 


I have enough problems. 
I have enough people to worry about. 
Don't attack me cause then I feel like I have to take time out to protect myself and thats just not worth it. 


Its funny when you walk into something completely unaware what God is about to do but THEN, it happens. You get something you didn't expect. You are reminded right off the bat that you are loved. by the One most dear to ME  something that just blows your mind huh? 


Today was a day that I went into defense mode, sometimes that's the worst thing you could possible do. It's the worst thing I could do. 


And mothersenses? Okay, I like those most of the time, but seriously. In the middle of worship and you know your person is in trouble so you turn around and see a woman all up on your man and thats not it, that is uncomfortable and makes you cry but it doesn't do it. So you turn back around and you see him, your insides ring out to protect the weak. you can't focus, you can't shut your eyes, you gotta watch his every move. You don't know what he'll do when. That's a tragic feeling that I hope I never feel again. 
I won't let people hurt my people. It's just not allowed. period. 

Its great to see one of YOUR favorite people with a different girl everytime you come out. I feel so loved

verbal beatings are nice. dont get those too often anymore

Fuck my life

I'll make you banana pancakes. Pretend like it's the weekend now

Okay, okay, so I was very over-dramatic this week. for that i apologize, but the root of this evil would probably be the fact i didn't feel heard.
my feelings weren't heard.

That is really what sucked.

but i lived through.
didn't have to beat anyone either.

came out better on the other side actually.
i could stand on that porch and hug you forever.
just so you know.

These legs are C.L.O.S.E.D!

Okay, there is only so much i can handle for the day.
consider the limit reached, a year ago.

I like you, I like your family. Who gives a shit if they don't like my opinions? we aren't married! 
not wanting to come had nothing to do with your mom. I have things that I have to do. I'm stressed at work, I really don't need to come to a night where the only people I like are your mom and Janet, welp, and my family. That sucks a little too much for my liking. 
sorry, I know that was a little loud and rude, but dude. its true. we don't have to act like we are. We're still little. 
I still have my own PUGH life. 
I love you but while we aren't bonded to each other for the rest of my life let me stay with my own family so I can love your family when it comes to that time. 


I miss my best friend. 
I believe the fact that I am not in constant communication with her is the reason I am freaking out. 


Tomorrow, I return to the dungeon. That's my new name for my office, and the freaking princess will be there. plus, I've got a fight to pick with laura. 
Tomorrow is already looking like a great day. 
I have work and I plan to throw myself into that. I'll make a plan for TruWonder as to how it will look in a class room, maybe send a sample to the goldsbys and the lanes and get their thoughts on it. and then I'll finish those things for Play-N-Worship (which tina freaked about) she can just suck it. 
I need to fix my hair and pick out an outfit, then go to bed. I'll finish fixing my life tomorrow after vertical, and my garage sale. so if you like to organize thing and wanna help, or come over just to see my lovely face. 
be. my. guest. 




ALSO! praying that God will break your heart for what breaks his is one hard prayer. 
consider my heart broken. k?
k.

Oh people

You know how some people just bring out THE worst in you?! Well, I have that person. He makes me crazy, he has for the past two years.
He's finally got a girlfriend and it ATTACKS my facebook news feed with all their flirting and it is just plain nasty. Makes me hate facebook for days.
Also, boyfriend has been creeping all up in my myspace world. that made me utterly nervous. that would be like kelli, the crazy ward version. i need to clean something. like a puke filled toilet.
wish i had gag reflexes. its killing me. I miss puking all my problems away. (you didn't read that)

but i don't miss being lied to.
or being only kinda loved.

I like just being with my best friend.
it just makes the whole world right.

I don't like my un.. kinda boss.
She would like to think she is my boss, but if you know less than me then you shouldn't be able to be call my "boss". Tard.
Also, my world is being stalked by previous stalkers with their stalking comments that i never received in the first place. i.d.i.o.t.
and they are on the pictures on my little children. poor kids, already being stalked. I'm sorry to put you in that place. please forgive me.
also, so everyone lets their secrets out on facebook, welp world, I got you.
I know you all love the Chiefs. only when they win. Way to be loyal. Take a lesson from the dogs.

This is gonna sound uber creepy, hold on, i miss little boys.
Like daniel and luke.
I miss being so loved by them.

But I had Benjamin in Africa so I'm praying for him and hopefully one day I can return and see him again. That would be legit! I actually wanna adopt him, but that might be out of the question.

I like late night dates with daddy God. He constantly has new things to say. I am restored. There is no shame.

I'm good at being a teenager at all the wrong times.

I'm glad my embarrassment can be used for your pleasure.

Boys are less attractive when they are eating your cheese-itz's.
Grab yo own box.