i dont know who sucks more, dead people or still living people. currently annoyed with both.

"I'm sorry for your loss"

Yesterday I got of one the worst phone calls of my life. I didn't expect to be affected, I didn't expect to even care when my father died. I guess I was wrong.

There I was; standing in my boyfriend's back yard while he is in the house arguing with his mother (which was already a bad idea) talking on the phone to my mother. She asked if I was somewhere that I could hear her and then she said "I got a call today, *starts crying* from Bill, you know who that is right" "Uh, yes, Ken's brother? That Bill??" *she starts crying harder* "Yes, they found your father dead this morning."

*insert my heart falling to my stomach*

 and I start crying.. 

She continues talking about how they found him and that she never wanted to tell me over the phone but wanted me to know as soon as everyone else, asked if I wanted to come home, asked if she needed to talk to Josh.

awful moment. 

Dad,

you didn't know (few people did) but I thought about you often. I had planned to talk to you and let you know that I forgive you for all the crappy things you did, its too late now. Thanks for fixing my bike that one time, one of the few fond memories I have of you. But I kinda ruined it at the end when I called you Ken and rode off giggled at being disrespectful. What can I say? It was easy, you didn't deserve a lot with the way you treated people but it's a lot easier to like you or love you now that you are gone. I have to thank you for working so often and being gone most of my life, it gave me a loving relationship with my mother. One that many teenagers should be jealous of. I can't say that losing you is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I barely knew you. Other than knowing you were an ass to my mother, you liked those crappy "deals" people always sold you. Like Dry-Wash. That was one of the better ones. You ruined my brothers and for that I am angry. You missed out on 6 wonderful different children.

Kalvin- He is funny and bitter and one of the best friends I've ever had. You missed out by never loving who he is. 

Kendra- She is about to be a mom, of twins, you have a grand-baby in heaven, she is on her second husband. You missed both weddings, you weren't really invited but you missed out. 

Keshia-I think you wounded her more than anyone else. You should burn in hell for the wounds you gave her. 

She nannies the two best kids in the world. She is pretty good with them too. 

Kameron- He is talented. He plays music, really really well. Tons of different ones too. He doesn't deal well with death. The boys are taking this the worst.

Kourtney- haha well, Kourtney is Kourtney, she is loud and sometimes too loving. She means well though. And kids love her. Surprisingly. 

Me? Well... I will graduate in a year, I have the worlds best friend and God's cutest creation as my boyfriend. I work at my church, I think you would've been proud for that. Something. 

But overall, I think we are all a little sad that you are gone. You missed out and we might've too. 

I'm currently awkwardly sitting in a room listening while my boyfriend's mother rips him a new one.

"Oh man! That's a steal!"

Today, I had the wonderful privilege to hang out with Kalah. She is wonderful, completely. Inside and out. The best.

We needed to go get stuff for the Wonder Tour and we are walking down the aisle in The Market for the third time and we are taking about what a wonderful honor it is to be on the leadership side of Wonder Tour this year and we are both beaming and we looked at each other and cracked up. (That might of been one of my favorite parts). Then after our before trip meeting she asked me to get directions to U.S. Toy, (we needed prizes), and I got the wrong address, (CRAP! Way to look like an idiot!) but when we got to the headquarters and realized that we were in the wrong place she just started laughing, there wasn't a frustrated bone in her body. She was completely filled with joy even after we had gone to the wrong one and wasted a good 20 minutes. She was completely joyful, I was surprised to watch as she remained that way ALL DAY, that is something.
I've never looked up to a woman as much as I look up to Kalah Sipp. (Except for maybe my mother)
and I'm pretty sure we make one of the best teams ever.

When I came home, after a 8-6 day, I was pretty tired to say the very least.
The mother made dinner (my favorite! grilled chicken!!), and then, much to my wonderful surprise we had "Family Chore time" Which is possibly one of my favorite things ever. I love having a clean house and hadn't had one in days.
Then we went upstairs together, and tried to order my school for next year. (I get to stay at home and will start college classes next fall, welp, that's the plan right now anyways. I think I need to save up a little bit, I don't need to put my mother in debt) and we had paperwork we were going to go over but she got too tired so here I am, blogging. Completely relaxed (which is causing the rambling) and completely filled with the Lord's joy. I have tons of work to do tomorrow, but that's tomorrow, I can't do anything about it today. The mistakes I made today won't matter tomorrow or in 5 minutes because I won't be able to change them. So, I'm just gonna live.
Tomorrow I have a Lost date with the world's greatest boyfriend, and I get to spend more time with Kalah, and it's just gonna be great.

Join if you remember eating this bad boy

Blogger friends, 

Be on the lookout. I lost the keys, again.

What a freaking fail. I'm so frustrated about it. Well that and many other things, its just been one of those lovely weeks. 

Plus, my editor is being funky. SWANK! Gosh! 

Currently listening to She & Him. Love them to pieces. 

I finally got my glasses back! Those things are boy magnets, I can't decide if thats good or bad. 

I'll have to vote on that, someday. 

I'm overly stressed and under... idk.. i was gonna say loved, cause that's how I'm been feeling lately, but feelings lie. I'm hoping to be home before everyone else tonight so I can clean my nasty house, maybe the Aliens will bring back my keys. 

I need a good long week with no people, or work, or phones, or houses to clean. 

Just me. 

Psh, that would last like a day. 

Haha. 

Don't you just love those moments that remind you of all the other awful moments that have happened to you? Yepp, me too. Big fan. 

And then you talk about it and nothing good comes from it. You just get that look (you know the ONE), and you know to back off or you might get left and that is so terrible. Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't like my sarcasm? Welp, suck it. 

It should be completely okay for me to not like people. If it isn't with you, you are clearly in the wrong county, people here are brutal. Watch it. 

100th post

x

Welp, I've been putting off blogging because I knew that it needed to be a good one, I mean one hundred posts! Its gotta be good.



I really really really want a old vintage bike. Like REAL bad.
I know, I know, its just another thing that I want and don't really need. But I never had my own bike and that's a little sad.

Something a little like this.
I really want my bike to come from Goodwill.
I don't really know why, I just do.
I'm full of odd wants today.

What life has looked like lately...

Lots and lots of this :) 

In all conclusion, my life is the best. 

  Be jealous.You should be. 

Haha :) man. I'm a big fan of Noah and Jackson today, as always.