"I'm sorry for your loss"

Yesterday I got of one the worst phone calls of my life. I didn't expect to be affected, I didn't expect to even care when my father died. I guess I was wrong.

There I was; standing in my boyfriend's back yard while he is in the house arguing with his mother (which was already a bad idea) talking on the phone to my mother. She asked if I was somewhere that I could hear her and then she said "I got a call today, *starts crying* from Bill, you know who that is right" "Uh, yes, Ken's brother? That Bill??" *she starts crying harder* "Yes, they found your father dead this morning."

*insert my heart falling to my stomach*

 and I start crying.. 

She continues talking about how they found him and that she never wanted to tell me over the phone but wanted me to know as soon as everyone else, asked if I wanted to come home, asked if she needed to talk to Josh.

awful moment. 

Dad,

you didn't know (few people did) but I thought about you often. I had planned to talk to you and let you know that I forgive you for all the crappy things you did, its too late now. Thanks for fixing my bike that one time, one of the few fond memories I have of you. But I kinda ruined it at the end when I called you Ken and rode off giggled at being disrespectful. What can I say? It was easy, you didn't deserve a lot with the way you treated people but it's a lot easier to like you or love you now that you are gone. I have to thank you for working so often and being gone most of my life, it gave me a loving relationship with my mother. One that many teenagers should be jealous of. I can't say that losing you is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I barely knew you. Other than knowing you were an ass to my mother, you liked those crappy "deals" people always sold you. Like Dry-Wash. That was one of the better ones. You ruined my brothers and for that I am angry. You missed out on 6 wonderful different children.

Kalvin- He is funny and bitter and one of the best friends I've ever had. You missed out by never loving who he is. 

Kendra- She is about to be a mom, of twins, you have a grand-baby in heaven, she is on her second husband. You missed both weddings, you weren't really invited but you missed out. 

Keshia-I think you wounded her more than anyone else. You should burn in hell for the wounds you gave her. 

She nannies the two best kids in the world. She is pretty good with them too. 

Kameron- He is talented. He plays music, really really well. Tons of different ones too. He doesn't deal well with death. The boys are taking this the worst.

Kourtney- haha well, Kourtney is Kourtney, she is loud and sometimes too loving. She means well though. And kids love her. Surprisingly. 

Me? Well... I will graduate in a year, I have the worlds best friend and God's cutest creation as my boyfriend. I work at my church, I think you would've been proud for that. Something. 

But overall, I think we are all a little sad that you are gone. You missed out and we might've too.