she's got the power in her hand to shock you like you wont believe

I've had a HEAVY amount of baby lust happening lately.
TONS!
But that all ended today. Thank you Blue Room.
Those kids were awful.
Well, some of them. I had Kendi which is always wonderful and I get to watch her tomorrow also, and get to hang out with Garret and Sarah.

I've been in quite the mood this past week. Nothing has seem to go right and I have plans. I plan things. That's who I am. I have to apologize to anyone who reads this for my attitude.
I've just been out of whack.

But, I got to work today. I love work mode. Its my favorite.
-Wonder Tour work
-Nursery
-Babysitting
and maybe I'll get to go home and clean something!!! YES! c

You know those weeks when everything goes awfully and you are suppose to be okay? and you constantly have people around so you can't just not be okay??

that was this week.

and to have baby lust this week.

awful.

I'm ready to get back to normal, but nothing really feels normal anymore. Ever since my dad died there hasn't been a very good normal. Maybe that's my problem.

I need a normal.

I'll be honest here. 

Heck. 

I'm always honest here. 

It's hard to picture you loving me when you flirt with 

other ladies so much. 

And I still have problems believing you sometimes. 

You are just going to have to deal with that though. 

I have trust issues. 

I've been hurt seven too many times by the same people.

Ignore it if it makes you feel better. 

We'll be fine. 

I'll make this work. 

That's my plan. 

Because you need this. 

You need me. 

I need love. 

We've got this. 

It's just jokes right?

You are just a people person. 

You don't have feelings for those girls. 

why do I feel like I'm lying to make myself feel better?

probably cause I am. 

Damn. 

best. friends. (yes I'm copying you.)

(Isn't she gorgeous?!?!)

Top Ten Reasons I LOVE My Best Friend.

10) she loves me no matter what. 

9) She has a wonderful taste in music.

8) She always listens to what I have to say. 

(Even if I've said it a million times.)

7) She takes my advice.

6) She still hangs out with me even when stupid people are around me. 

5) I trust her. Completely.

4) She has the best laugh and smile.  

3) She is wonderful with children. 

(this has come in handy with my nursery schedule and when I get married ;) )

2) She thinks the best of me, even when I'm a complete fool. 

1) She loves me even though I always pick the wrong guy.

This is one of my favorites. I don't really know why. It just is. 

This is the best thing you will ever see in your life. 
Seriously. 




We seriously have the best friendship ever.  
It's been over the rocks, under the bridge and through the valleys. 
But we made it through. 
Cause. 
We.
Are.
Very.
Best.
Friends.


She's been there through the toughest things. 
My dad dying. 
the best and worst 19 months of my life. 
listening to me talk about my "kids" (They were never coming. you were right.)
listening to me complain about everything. 


She is the best. 

boyfriends are lame. 

I'm tried of being awake. 

Goodnight.

This man is making me cry.

To Kourtney: Bill Pugh Yes mam, I am damn proud to say I am your uncle!!

To Kameron:Bill Pugh having you back in my life is the last gift your father gave me.

To Keshia: Bill Pugh I am quite sure your Dad would be proud of you for being who you are and such a beautiful young lady. I know I am.

To Kalvin: Bill Pugh my life got a little better a couple of days ago thanx to you.

 To Me: Bill Pugh Life is a little better now that you are part of it

Status: Bill Pugh

I got some pretty kool neices and nephews wish everyone could meet them. I am so proud of them all for they are growing in to fine upstanding adults.

Yeah, Ninja, She looks like her daddy too.

"You always were a little runt"- Grandma 


Grandma. 
That was a funny word to write. 
Still typing that word feels like a betrayal. I don't know why. 


Daddy. 
That is an extra funny word to type. Considering I've never used it. 
But I heard it a lot these past couple of days. 
Well, "Your Daddy..." To be certain. 


I'm so glad I went, I wouldn't trade those 36ish hours for anything. I spent them where I needed to. With my family. With family my Father, my Daddy, spent time with. 
It's time to give up the wounds he caused. I forgave him a long time ago, or so I thought. 
Death is a funny thing. It changes people, not always in the best way but consider me changed. 


I had this Dad, he sucked. Like big time. 
He was wounded. 
He was wounded to the very end. 
"I said I do for the third time. This time I WILL make it work." 
He was at least trying. Something I never really saw. But that's okay. 


It's over now. 


I learned lots of things this past week. 
One. If you tell Uncle Bill you wanna drink with him, he will totally pretend to let you. 
Two. If you don't see your grandmother or uncle for 12 years, they tend to cry when they see you. 
Three. Just because your son divorces his wife and leaves his children, that doesn't have to change your feelings for them. 
Four. Missing three days or work and time with your boyfriend to fix the family that was broken. Totally worth it. 
Five. Saints won the world championship. (I'm never gonna tell Bill that I already knew that and I didn't watch the game so I could spend time with Josh.)
Six. "Would he really beat him??" "Yes" "Good, cause if he wouldn't I would come and beat his ass!"
Seven. I love my family. 
Eight. Mobile homes are freaking awesome. 
Nine. Grandmothers are so funny "Oh god! You stink!!" "No, no, no, NO posing!!. Candid pictures!"
"Did you shoot all that film up?"
Ten. You don't know what you have till its gone. Then you get family. 


I have this, I don't know what to call it. 
Whole heart?
Everything is just perfect. 
I love it. 

Has realized again that my father is dead. It's not a happy feeling.